Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. (If you do not know that reference it is time to brush up on your awesome children's books).
This morning I came into my job and found out that my fellow teacher- the one the kids listen to- was not coming. I proceeded with my day as normal- tell me about a newspaper article and our journal topic. They did well so we watched a movie.
Again- they did well so we ate lunch and then went to the gym. From here follows destruction. First, one of our girls walked out of the gym in a fit. Of course, I am the only staff member with the kids. I had to run to the middle school room to get them to send a page out to the building that we had a kid who ran off.
Well, I found said girl and proceeded to talk to her, offer support, calm her down for a good 20 minutes. At the same time another staff member went into the gym with my kids to watch them. Proceed to more chaos. The kids were running out of the gym, not following directions, etc.
I couldn't even offer undivided attention to the upset girl because of the other's behavior. We went back to the room and immediately a fight almost broke out- between the same girl and another kid. The other staff member broke it up before it exploded. And I was left alone again.
I tried to talk to my kids and ask them- Why? What can I do to help you? While they did listen it didn't help. They basically like to say that the only way they will listen is if I "slam" them. That is not going to happen. At this point all hell broke lose.
I had kids running out of the room, out of the window, and being defiant. The same girl who walked out and almost got in a fight became upset again because she would not listen to a thing I said. She threw a desk and the trash can- with milk spilling everywhere. At this point I was in tears.
Not even anger- just upset that I spent so much time trying to help her and it felt like it didn't matter. I try to be supportive and helpful and I get walked all over. But, at the same time I do not want to be severe, authoritative, and punishing. I have my therapist license because I want to be supportive. I no longer know what the happy medium may be. I was frustrated and confused.
Then, to top if off, my supervisor came to check on me and tells me that there is a chance that this teacher is not coming back- ever. At a minimum she will be out for the rest of the month. Great, does that mean that everyday I have to deal with 10-12 teenagers by myself?? Obviously, I can't deal with that at this point.
Not to mention that in two weeks school will be back in session- I am scared that I have to work out a transition plan for all 15 kids on my roster. Ahhh!!!
So today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.