Obsession...

I have a weird obsession, I admit it. I love stuff from the 50s but even more than that I love Coke stuff. I love old tin signs and the furniture from the 50s. In high school my friends and family started to figure this out and started giving me things- I have coke magnets, bottles, signs, even cookie jars.

My favorite sign is the round one in the middle because it is actually from the World of Coke in Atlanta. This weekend I finally got to bring something home that I have wanted for years. My great grandparents had one of those old formica dining room tables. My grandfather and aunt let me have it! Right now it is akwardly sitting with my shower gifts

but itsn't it so cute! I just need to clean off some old rust and when we move I can make a little 50s dining area with my signs and awesome table. I love it! (P.S. this room is a junk room and we don't really use it..can you tell? It is so gross).

The only bad thing is that when my family cleaned out my great-grandparents home they did not bring the chairs that matched this table. "They were too heavy"- to bad I was to young to know about this. I would have figured something out- like using my brute strength haha. I have been trying to find cheap chairs to replace with the table. 

In my dream world the table would look like this

look at that 50s stove! I want it! Surprisingly though finding vintage chairs that match my table is difficult and expensive. Even looking at Target you can find 50s chairs

for $100 a pop! Not in my budget considering I need four chairs. So I think I am going to just buy cheaper modern looking chairs like this

but in white or something that matches more. These are much cheaper- and still at Target! Either way I can't wait to have some vintage looking stuff. It's my favorite. 

Dogs

I have forever been a "dog person". As a young child we have pictures of me with my fingers up a dog's nose. The neighborhood dog in Mississippi was named "my friend doggy" (I was very creative as a young child). My brother, who is older than me, would send me in front of him to discover whether a dog was nice or mean and I had no problem running right up to them....I do not encourage this, although I was never harmed.

My family's first dog even bit me because I was trying to hug him as he ate his dinner. Even with this "traumatic" event I never knew dogs were anything other than wonderful- but my parents still got rid of him. The first real family dog was Maddie, a golden retriever.

This is her probably a year before she passed away (sorry it's not great quality). Maddie was perfect and neurotic. She was loving, calm, and sweet. She was also terrified, mortified, disturbed by thunderstorms. Maddie would absolutely freak when she heard a thunderstorm- she would literally tear down doors to get out of enclosed rooms if she heard so much as a drop of rain. I will admit that when Maddie was a little, round, adorable puppy I was also terrified of thunderstorms- I was in elementary school no mocking allowed. I used to be convinced it was my fault she was scared of storms.

She would burrow under your body to try to hide from the lightening- we even got her sedatives at one point because she would go so nuts. But Maddie was perfect and I'm standing by it. I would bring her back in a heartbeat. She lived with us in three states and she was a big part of our family. As she got older she developed epilepsy and then, we think, a brain tumor. She started having extremely violent seizures that also scared the wits out of her. She would go in the garage and pace for hours after a seizure and then finally calm down.

When I was visiting my parents in Texas she had another seizure and- as normal- we let her in the garage to pace and she just never got back up. We had to put her to sleep the next day and it was horrible and sad. She was eleven years old. Due to this I have some kind of freak issues with seeing dogs hurt. I am not a person who cries about much. I never cry at romantic movies or sappy books- ever.

Well that is until I read/saw:

Although our Maddie was not the "world's worst dog" in any way this book made me cry, OK weep. When I finished the book I was driving home, from Atlanta, with my brother and I remember saying, "I'm going to start crying now, don't be concerned" and he proceeded to look at me like I was crazy while I wept in the passenger seat. Then I saw the movie with my mom and I was like a babbling crazy person weeping next to her. I mean its weird- I never cry like that.

I am really dreading the day I will lose my babies (yes I am aware I call my dogs babies). I admit I especially am worried about the day I lose this one:

because I have had her since she was this cute and cuddly. She was mine and General, well, I never saw him as a baby. Worse than anything is the fact that my dog's breed- Bernese Mountain Dog- only has an average life expectancy of seven years. How is that possible?? I need twenty years minimum with her! She will already be three this summer!

At least I know that I am marrying someone as obsessed with dogs as I am, and we will never be a dog-free home. The bad part of this is that I will have to watch many furry members of my home pass away throughout the years- but they are worth it, neurosis and all!

Just when I thought I was done..

I was so excited throughout the last week as I finished up the last large section of my capstone project. The bulk of the work is now done on my behemoth paper. After my teacher reviews the last section I just have to edit, add the sections together, add an introduction and conclusion, professionally bind it, and voila! It will be complete.

I was ready for the last section of capstone to be done, so I even wrote it early. I have about five weeks of school left and somehow I just realized I have a lot of work to go!

I am taking a family therapy class- I still have a 10 page paper, presentation, and final exam for this professor.

I have a class that goes along with my internship- I have a 3-4 page paper, learning agreement, evaluations, and signed hours to round up and turn in.

Luckily I have finished all my assignments for my elective and, like I said, capstone is well  on it's way to being done. I just didn't realize that my other classes had so much left to do! Ahhh! My family is very pro- Go get your PhD!! Still not sure if I am going to be able to endure more schooling...at least not now because I swear my Masters has depleted brain cells. If that's even possible?

Atlanta

In a few hours I am going to leave for my final bridal shower in Atlanta. I am saying a few hours because I haven't even packed yet...I hate packing. I was born around the Atlanta area and although my immediate family has moved quite a bit Atlanta has been a constant in my life. Both sides of my extended family live in Atlanta and it will always be a piece of home.

I don't think I will ever live there, it is so busy...and the traffic! But I will always visit because of how many things (and food!) there is to do. A MUST on every trip is the Varsity. If you don't know what the varsity is we can no longer be friends, I'm sorry.

Look at that greasy menu, you know you want some. I can even order for you- you want 2 chili dogs, onion rings, and an "FO"- otherwise known as a frosted orange. Ahh my mouth is watering already.

Plus Atlanta, and surrounding, has loads of fun activities. Did you know that there is a cabbage patch "baby land". My cousin and I went here multiple times when we were little and you get to watch the babies be born out of a cabbage. It is a necessity for all little girls to see.

Also I am slightly, ok very, obsessed with Coca-Cola stuff. There is a whole coke museum in Atlanta!

 This is where I like to stare at all the coke signs and dream I could own them all. Really it's a problem- I need a basement with a juke box and TONS of coke signs. Right across from the World of Coke is the Georgia Aquarium. Also an awesome thing to see- I have only been able to go once but it is really neat.
You get to see a whale shark at the aquarium. They are huge!

And last but not least- you can see a Braves game!! Being a Braves fan is a necessity in my family. I am pretty sure they would have disowned me if I didn't like the braves.

Look at that excitement- 1. The braves and 2. The Varsity

and look at my brother as he reigns over Turner field. Seriously if this hasn't convinced you that Atlanta is pretty awesome, I don't know what will! Have a great weekend!

North vs. South

My finance and I were raised by two very different families. My family is from the deep south, mainly Atlanta, Georgia and his family is from New York, more specifically the Bronx. Normally I would have never thought anything of this, especially since he has lived in the south since Kindergarten, but- let me tell you- there is a difference.

I don't think one is better than the other but we have had to adjust to each other's comfort level. The main thing I have noticed is food. Shawn could literally live off of meat and potato kind of meals.

Every meal I have ever eaten at his mom's house has included meat, mashed potatoes, and some form of vegetable. I think his mom's cooking is good but it is very different then what I was raised on. My mom likes to cook, so first off we ate a lot of different foods- Mexican, Italian, and more importantly butter-infused, heart attack producing, yummy casseroles.

Sweet potatoes anyone? Yes please! Shawn and I have had many the debates on what "normal" food is. I finally have accepted we are both normal, it's just a difference because of the Mason- Dixon line. With that being said it is my goal in our marriage to convert him to the dark side- of delicious, fatty, decadent southern cuisines. Imagine plates full of Paula Dean's cooking and you will get the picture.

Domestic Violence

By no means am I the girl in my graduate school program who is the "domestic violence" guru but I can't even begin to explain how often I see it. Today I got four new cases at my internship:

1. teen was a robbery victim
2. domestic violence with an infant watching
3. child abuse
4. sibling assault

For me this is actually a good assortment of cases. Usually it would be domestic violence right down the list. The problem with domestic violence is that these woman are told not to talk about it so when I come to the home (even when the abuser isn't there) you can see them terrified to tell me anything. I try very hard to explain how watching the abuse will affect their babies development. Just because a baby looks normal and happy does not mean they are fine.

One family was screaming at each other right in front of me and poof that baby fell asleep. She was so stressed she just shut down, but most people would think, "she is sleeping, she is fine". It is such a frustrating demographic but I enjoy it also. I hope that I reach some of these woman. I don't need to see the pictures of Rhianna with her face bruised, I have seen woman in real life the day after a beating. Of all the things I have seen doing social work- the main image that stays stuck in my head is the first time I saw a woman who's face was almost swollen shut. Her toddlers attempted to pull the suspect off of her during the fight.

It is amazing to me that this is something that happens in our world. It is times like this when shutting off work when you get home gets difficult. I feel for these women and I hope they have the courage to leave and, more importantly, the support they need to get out. The terrifying thing is that statistics show it takes women leaving seven times before they stay gone. I hope one day that changes.

Becoming a wife

Today I had my second bridal shower- with my friends and some of Shawn's family. Since Gerber daisies always make me smile I figured I would start off with a picture of my pretty flowers. I got many gifts again but when looking at this picture what is the most important thing?

No, it is not the hideous paneling- please ignore that grossness. Do you see it? Do you see that beautiful piece of machinery over to the left? A kitchen aid mixer! Yes I am now peeing in my pants! I LOVE kitchen aid mixers- they are amazing and I foresee many baking projects in my future. The fiance's mom, grandma, and aunt gave it to me at the shower and I am super excited (I know that wasn't obvious so I needed to explain the excitement).

I have spent a lot of time thinking about what it means to get married. I, by no means, understand what getting married entails but I keep feeling like I am starting my own little family. Sometimes this is hard for me because I still feel like I just "left the nest". I am also really close to my family and it is hard to let go of what my life has been like for, well, my whole life. I have been a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a student- I have been many labels but being a wife is a whole new role.  I still feel young and inexperinced about life but I know that my finance is a good, safe place for me.

He is very different from me- but in a good way. I tend to be more pessimistic, shy, and very organized about life. I live for the ten year plan. He is more out-going, silly, and up for adventure. We are a nice mixture because I have taught him to be more calm and he has taught me to live a little (ok- he is still teaching me that one). Even though sometimes I am scared to give up what once was my life, I look forward to what will be my life with him. I just hope he feels the same with all my crazy lady stress right now : )

May

May is a terrifying month at this point. In May I will graduate my Master's program, get married, go on a honeymoon, try to find a job, apply for a license to be a therapist, and move to a new place. I have been handling all of this well until recently. Now it seems like I am facing a mountain of "to-dos".

I think I will make it through this time but it is daunting that I have so much to do, so close together. I think every person who is graduating this May probably feels the same pressure. The economy and job situation still is not fantastic and we have to go out, with many others, to get employment. Since I am getting married  I also feel the pressure to not be a bum and actually make some money to contribute to our income!

I have been filling out applications online and praying my little heart out that I will be employed. I need prayers! (or else you will be forced to read deranged posts from a crazy lady):

Masters Regalia

Yesterday I went by my school to be all official and get my graduation stuff. I am not going to graduation because -I lost my mind- and decided to get married on that day instead. Due to this I really didn't see the point of getting my hood, cap, gown, etc. Well my friends persuaded me to go:

You could take your picture in it!
You may be a professor one day!
You already paid for it with your graduation fee!

So I went and got it- and they were right I am already glad I did. It makes my degree seem somewhat closer and having a real hood makes me proud. I feel like I am all smart and stuff : )

The hood looks something like...

this except my colors are green, white, and that gold color. I will probably never wear this thing but there is something about the traditions that you follow for graduation that never fails to impress. There is a part of me that will be sad that I am missing the ceremony of being "hooded". You get to choose your favorite professor to do the honor and I think it would have been a memorable experience but - alas I decided to get married instead. At least my wedding dress is prettier than a graduation robe!

Internship

Everyday I get a new list of cases at my internship. Children watching domestic violence, shootings, robberies, or being abused in some way or other. First off it is quite disturbing the number of children who have to witness or be victim to this kind of violence. What is wrong with people? But then again I decided to do this kind of work and a large part of me just wants to help.

BUT it seems like no one ever wants the help. I cannot tell you how many parents look me in my face and tell me their kid is "fine". Fine is the word I hear over and over again. Seriously, as an adult, would you be fine watching your dad beat your mother? Would you be fine if some drugged up guy came into your house with a gun asking for money? No you would not be "fine".

I feel like I don't help anyone at times. As of today the ONLY child I had on my case load whose mother let me do therapy is closed. I mean literally not one other parent has allowed me to give FREE therapy services. I hope that even if I can't see the kid ever again maybe, just maybe, the parent will learn from what I tell them about trauma symptoms. I just don't know though. I don't want to force people to try our services because we are voluntary but I feel like I am failing at persuading people that therapy can be helpful and healing. 

Coming home

Every time I leave Texas or, more importantly, my parents I have a mini depression for a few days. My parents have lived in Dallas since I graduated high school and started college in 2004. I would think by now I would be over it but no, like clockwork, I am upset again. This is even weirder because I know I will see my mom in two weeks at another one of my bridal showers. Obviously I should be OK but I have no apparent control over my emotions hence the mini depressions.

On a happier note there are good things to coming home. One is the fiance who acts like he is dying when I am not home. Of course then I bash his dreams of a happy return because I am sad to leave my parents. I am always a bundle of joy : )

Next is the psychotic thrashing and whining of my dog, Leia. It is almost like she is possessed whenever I come home from a trip. I can't even explain what noises and guttural sounds she makes when I come home and she hasn't seen me in a week.

Then she proceeds to jump on the bed. Being on the bed is NOT allowed in my house because my dogs are so big. (Unless I want her to pose with a Panthers jersey on) Apparently she is so distraught that she has forgotten the house rules because she got on the bed and just whined and stared at me. As I have said before- she is kind of special.

With the time change of coming from Texas to North Carolina and the real time change I have been exhausted. Leia once again ruined my much needed sleep by puking in the middle of the night last night. I don't know how to describe the annoyance of hearing your dog retching at 3 am. Since Leia thinks towels are dog treats she has these random throw up events and they are always, I mean always, in the middle of the night. So I am now back to the real world- internship- sleep deprived, sad, and grumpy.

DIY

Today and yesterday my mom and I have been on a "do-it-yourself" frenzy. This has been happening for two reasons:
1. Our wedding budget requires us to be creative!
2. My parents are renovating= I get their old furniture!

Mainly I am getting my parents old bedroom set:

Two, count them TWO, dressers (we are currently living out of one hence the excitement!)

A queen bed (very important when your hubby-to-be is six foot five!)

The next piece of furniture is my favorite but my dad and I are fighting over it. My mom asked if I wanted it and I said YES. It is the best! Apparently my dad was not aware of our little plan because he thought the chair was going to go into the bedroom. He wants to read in it. We are currently in a heated debate over who gets it. This picture is hoping its me!

P.S. sorry for the mess, renovations are under way hence this RED chair looking well, dirty. I promise it will be cleaned up when my dad so graciously gives in to me : )

Lastly is my project from the last two days. My parents have a freakishly large abundance of desks so I decided I would take a desk also. The desk I have now is a cheap brand and has no storage, it is more modern and open. So I decided to renovate my dad's desk that he grew up with (he has had it since he was a teenager). How it started out:

It was not in the best of shape so I did a beautiful priming job:

Then two coats of a blue-grey kinda color and lastly a "glaze". The glaze is a pretty cool product, it makes your furniture looked aged and antiqued. Final product:

close up (so you can see the "glaze")

and I did it all by myself! I was pretty impressed if I do say so myself.

My mom and I have also worked on wedding stuff. We are not using a florist so we have been playing with my flowers:

I LOVE Gerber daisies- they are so much more cheerful and fun then typical old roses! I also made table numbers for our reception. Once everyone RSVPs we will also make a big vintage looking sign so people know what table to sit at.

I made the numbers with stamps and an ink that looks distressed. After everything we realized we have left to "do ourselves" my mom will probably be making an extra trip to North Carolina before the wedding. It seems like we have a million things to do. There are so many little details that I never realized existed until now. I just have to figure out how to fit it all in! (Why again did I decide to get married the day of my graduation??)

Capstone

In order to earn a degree in most graduate programs you have to write a thesis. Well I'm a social worker and we don't really "do" that math and science stuff. So I thought that I was going to get out of graduate school without a silly thesis. I mean really who needs one?

To my dismay on my first day of graduate school they told us about what they term the "capstone project". I call it the- "it's a thesis we just don't want to call it that and scare you project". They counter by saying it is not a thesis because we do not actually conduct research. OK well maybe that is true but I have to read a million articles and that is research, right?

Anyway this paper is the main reason why I am losing my mind. I am writing about childhood sexual abuse (What a happy subject- I guess I am dark and twisty). On the one hand I love this paper because of what I have learned- the effects of sexual abuse, the way this abuse can change brain development, therapy modalities that can help victims, etc. On the other hand it is exhausting to write about such an emotionally charged subject for an entire semester.

Our paper is split up into five sections and now I only have two sections left. Just as I am losing my momentum they throw the worst sections at me (policy and research). Every social work student now moans in unison. If you were in my program that would have been audible across campus! We social workers are touchy feely folks and generally that means that the whole "math" side of us was never fully cultivated.  

But at the end of the semester I get to turn in a "binded paper" or something like this:

and I have to admit that when I turn that in I will be very proud of myself.

and then I will have a panic attack when I remember I still have a formal presentation of said paper in front of professors, students, and loved ones!

My generation

As I am about to embark on my career and therefor job searches I have begun to notice some trends in my generation that are not so flattering. I always feel like I am an old lady amongst my peers. I don't party, I am not a procrastinator, and I generally think I am a hard worker who has values and morals. I am not afraid to state what I believe in and stand my ground.

My generation is known for their partying ways. They are known for thinking they are entitled to things, things their parents worked 30 years for and yet we should have NOW. My generation is known for not really knowing anything about the world because we are too busy seeing if Lindsay Lohan is in jail yet.

I have a hard time with this because I frequently feel weird among my peers. Don't get me wrong - I have some great friends who are smart enough to realize there are more important things in this world than having the latest fashion trends and knowing about celebrities. But finding these friends is hard for me. These women, who I consider friends, are amazing people. They are loving and not judgemental and they want the world to be a better place tomorrow then it is today. They accept all people no matter what race, sexual orientation, or income level they have.

These people give me hope when I hear a racist comment. These people give me hope when I hear yet another state banning gay marriage. These people give me hope when I hear young people who have nothing better to discuss then their drunken escapades. These people give me hope that when I have children they will not dismiss people because they are "different" but they will love others for those differences.

Sometimes I wish I could live in a generation of simpler times. I love the 50s trends:

But then I think, "Would I have thought segregation was normal if I grew up then"?


I love the 60s peace and love hippies and the music is my favorite

But then I think, "Would I have wanted to watch the men my age be drafted"?


I love the 70s sitcoms 

But I think, "Would I have wanted to fight for fair rights just because I was born a woman"?

I was born in the 80s- a time in which our country had more wealth than it has in generations. Although I think my generation may be spoiled I am glad that I was raised in a time where, slowly but surely, society is working toward fairness and equality among all people. I am proud to say I will be a social worker and I believe in social justice and I hope that my generation will not just be about me, me, me but that we will also promote acceptance and integrity.

Birthday

Today is my mom's birthday and luckily for her I am visiting! ha ha. My dad and I are making her fajitas for dinner. I decided, in all my brilliance, to make a homemade cake using recipes from my favorite blog (the pioneer woman).  The recipes were easy- chocolate cake and vanilla icing. Here is a picture of my cake:

Well don't let pictures be deceiving because underneath that icing is a disaster. First the cakes got stuck in their pans. I even tried to warm the pan back up to loosen the cake and that caused a small burn on the top! Then I tried to make the frosting. Apparently you are supposed to start the icing by putting flour and milk in a skillet and then placing it on the heat. Well I placed it on the heat and then added flour and milk. Basically I made oatmeal without the oats it became so thick and gross. I threw that batch out and restarted.


So with the new icing we made the cake look like it does above. Not sure how it tastes yet....but I have gotten to eat cake already because all of this:

 
was left behind in the bottom of the pans. So that is good right?

On a serious note I am truly grateful that I get to be with my mom on her birthday. We have had a tough year but as usual my family has pulled through it. Working in social work I see people who have to struggle everyday. I could not be more grateful for the childhood I had with my family. We were never rich, we never had every gadget and gizmo but I had love, understanding, and support and I know that is better than anything money could buy. Love you mom! Happy Birthday (hope the cake tastes good!!)

Wedding dress alterations

Slowly but surely the wedding day is creeping up on me. This month brings along dress alterations. For some reason God decided to bless me (I'm sorry curse me) with, as I call them, the never ending growing boobs. I swear there is a gland issue going on! Due to the never ending growing boobs the process of finding a wedding dress scared the crap out of me. I did, however, find one and I was assured the dress would be fine after alterations.

Although, as stated previously, I am not a very good feminine example I went all out with this dress. I never went to prom or anywhere that needed such a nice dress so I figured now is the time to do it.

This is my dress:

Ahh I dreamed, I will look like a princess in my huge ballgown dress. Everything will be just lovely. 

This week I took my mother in law to the shop with me for alterations. Of course my dreams did not come true. Several things did not go so well:

1. The alteration area only has a small curtain to change behind. I am not exactly the "comfortable with my body" person. So starts my immediate worry that surely someone will walk in when I am changing my bra.

2. When changing said bra I proceed to pull a muscle trying to shove myself into it and the tulle slip.

3. Ask mother in law to help me get my dress on and- low and behold- the dress won't zip. I mean at all. I mean zips to my waist then gapping hole of openess around my chest. As in Meredith is now having a panic attack because her dress does not zip two months before the wedding.

Thankfully the ladies in the shop assure me that dresses are let out all the time and no one will ever know this happened. And the heavens opened and angels sang songs of relief.

Now back to eating cake...

Thank you cards

I have successfully made it through my first, and probably largest, wedding shower. My dad is the Minister of Music at a church in Texas and I am pretty sure the entire choir came! I have never in my life received so many gifts.

And this is the condensed version!!

So now that I have gained ten pounds eating mini cinnamon rolls with cream cheese inside and throwing wrapping paper around for an hour I must get down to the real work- otherwise known as writing thank you cards.

I have always wanted to be one of those southern women who sends sweet little cards in the mail and always smells of baking products. I am however not one of those woman. I have figured out my way around a kitchen but being dainty and feminine not so much. Wearing heels? Oh the horror!

So after my large shower comes the accompanying thank you cards. The problem is that I am not good at ...etiquette. When I write a thank you card I want to say a joke.

I WANT to write: (imagine writing in childish block letters)

Dear Mrs. ____,
Thank you so much for the silicone cooking mat. Now I won't burn my cookies when I bake. Let the yumminess ensue.
Love, Meredith

I SHOULD write: (imagine writing in intricate perfect cursive)

Dear Mrs. _____,
Thank you so much for the silicone cooking mat. Your presence was greatly appreciated at my wedding shower this weekend. I truly enjoyed your company. I hope to see you again soon.
Sincerely,
Meredith

I am now at some kind of in between stage of thank you card writing. I have over 50 cards to write from this shower alone so from my cramped hand to yours...

Love, Meredith

Spring Break

This will be my last spring break. I have thought about going on for a PhD but I just am not ready. Because of that I think this will be my LAST spring break. Since I have been out in the work force I know that spring break is a pretty great perk. I think adults should get this break also!

I am going to Texas to see my parents and have my first wedding shower. Hopefully I will be able to relax (even though I know I still have papers to write!) All of my showers are in March..I am not going to know what to do with myself! Free gifts and all.

Being the poor graduate student that I am, is it sad that I am looking forward to just having a matching set of plates and silverware? I am kind of over eating off plastic plates.

I am sure my fiancé can't wait to eat off my polka dot plates : )

Hope you get a break also...if not for a week maybe a day, or a moment in time where relaxation is possible. We all deserve it.

Growing up

Growing up my life was what many call "ideal". I had the standard two parent one older brother household. My Dad is a Minister of Music and church was always a big deal. When I was very little we moved a lot- from Georgia to Alabama to Mississippi and finally to North Carolina when I started 4th grade.

I have always been a Momma's girl. I never had a sister so I think I just used her instead. We are very similar and she always supported me. My Dad and I are close now but he is so intellecutual that as a young child we would make fun of him. He liked to ask me "essay questions" as I call them. These deep questions that just pop out of nowhere. Now these questions make me smile because I know it is his way of getting to know me on more than a superficial level but, at 13 years old, these questions were always followed by a groan from  me.

This is my crazy family:

At this point in my life my parents have been married 30 years. I met my now finance because he has been my brother's best friend since high school and we are all close. This year has been hard though. We have had what I would call my first family crisis.

My Mom left my Dad in the fall. The picture above is very special because it is when she came back home. I will probably never understand her decision to leave but I do understand her decision to come home. More than that I respect my Dad for having the forgiveness to let her come home. For four months of my life I thought my family was not going to make it. Now (as you can see above) we are as weird as always.

Getting married in May and trying to plan a wedding while my parents marriage was having a disappearing act was hard. I questioned love in general. Was I ready to get married? Was I going to make the same mistakes? How did my perfect parents and their perfect marriage fall apart with no warning??

Now I feel like life is normal again. This is all I have ever known. Now I can dream of my future children playing with my parents the same way I did as a child.

My furry children

Another huge part of my life are my furry children. My friends like to call them my "livestock". I admit I like big dogs, I have no idea what to do with little dogs.

When I began dating my fiance he had a German Shepard, otherwise known as General.

General is over 100 pounds but is the biggest baby ever. He whines quite a bit to get your attention. I don't know why but watching a giant dog whining always makes me laugh. I like to call him fairy wings and make my fiance mad. He is my furry son though and I do love him.

Next is my baby...and yes she is my baby and I am slightly obsessed:

How can you not love that face?? She makes me die! She is a Bernese Mountain Dog and if you don't know what that is, don't worry, neither does anyone else! Her name is Leia and she is special (as in special needs). Granted, General is a lot to live up to, being a German Shepard and all does entitle you to a giant brain. Leia on the other hand likes to run in circles and bark at the clouds or eat poop...not quite so smart. She is my other furry child and she was my graduation gift to myself in 2008. She was well worth her price tag.

My dogs are my unconditional love. When times are bad and days are tough they always stay by my side. I don't think I will ever be a crazy cat lady but a crazy dog lady?? Very possible!

So I'm new to this...

I have recently become quite obsessed with blogging. I have a slightly insane life right now and since I will be continuing with this crazy life my Dad likes to tell me, "you should write this stuff down!" Well for some reason journaling is just not enough! I think it would be fun to actually have someone read this one day.

My life: I am currently in graduate school to get my Masters in Social Work. I have an internship with the police department where I counsel children who have seen or been victim to violence of any form. Before graduate school I worked for child protective services (not a good idea!) I am also planning a wedding in May, trying to move, and find a job because, oh yeah, I am smart and decided to plan my wedding day on my graduation day.

So basically I am an insane person running around with too much to do and not enough time to do it in. I am generally an old soul in a young body so it's not like I am out partying...actually I am usually in bed by 9:00pm!  But I just have too much homework and wedding planning. It is never ending.

So why, you ask, did I decide to start this blog also? I guess I wanted a place to talk. I am about to embark on a career in which I am suppose to HELP people and sometimes I feel like I need help myself. (Don't worry there are free counseling services on campus!) I want to heal  people, I want to be strong, I want to be able to express myself, and I want to learn. I can't wait to start this crazy life but right now this life is just crazy!